Are you a non-human animal looking to break out of a humdrum routine of survival and reproduction? Good news: many employers are recruiting candidates just like you. Scroll through (if your appendages allow) and find your dream job.
If you’re a goat who’s hungry for a opportunity, a juicy position in lawn care might be for you. Google and Amazon have hired herds to manicure their properties in an environmentally-friendly and economical manner while boosting employee morale. Goats are also outstanding at preventing brush fires and clearing invasive plants.
Military & Peacekeeping
Marine mammals with military training are coveted; Russia seized Ukraine’s combat dolphins when it annexed Crimea last year. The US Navy conscripts sea lions as well as dolphins, and has been using them to spot lost equipment, underwater mines, and suspicious swimmers since the 1960s. Be careful, though—these jobs may soon be lost to robots. Opportunities on dry land are more promising. ‘Hero Rats’ are wanted for sniffing out landmines, and have already helped clear over 18 million square metres of land in six African and Asian countries.
Medicine & Health Care
Minesweeping isn’t for every rat. Perhaps testing mucus samples for tuberculosis is more your style? Maggots and leeches are making a medical comeback, cleaning dead tissue out of wounds and preventing blood clots during delicate surgeries. Don’t forget about mental health —parrots and horses provide invaluable therapy for patients with PTSD.
Travel & Tourism
Dogs with a nose for business can help travellers get off the ground by reuniting them with lost items. Airports are also a prime employer for birds of prey, who aid smooth takeoffs and landings by keeping smaller birds away from engines. When tourists arrive at their destination, they’ll want to take in some traditional culture. Cormorant fishing in Guangxi, anyone?
Tokyo is the place to be for animals trying to break into the restaurant business. Not only does it have monkey servers, it also boasts cafés featuring live goats, rabbits, owls, and more. Felines have already got an international foothold: cat cafés are everywhere, from the UK to Taiwan to Canada.
Speciality Beverage Production
Being a civet in the coffee industry is no fun. Fortunately, other drinks can be made from poop without causing harm. Coffee beans picked out of elephant turds produce the world’s most expensive brew at around £24 a cup. ‘Dragon ball tea‘, traditional in southwest China, is made from the excreta of plant-eating insects. Research suggests it can lower lipids and sugars in the blood and reduce blood pressure.
Humans love to look and feel their best. Sometimes nothing but a stimulating python massage, refreshing snail facial, or controversial fish pedicure will do.
Since the 1950s, animal painters have been garnering attention. Congo the chimpanzee counted Picasso and Dali among his fans and in 2005, a set of his works sold for £14,400. But if Hollywood is calling your name, your role model might be Crystal the capuchin monkey: she was recognised with a lifetime achievement award at this year’s Pawscars. You may also find inspiration in Waldo the parrot’s vocals in the metal band Hatebeak or Lizzy the border collie’s dazzling dance routine. If all else fails, there’s always Youtube fame. Keyboard Cat and Snowball the cockatoo made it big and so can you.
Job searching is tough, but take heart: you don’t have to go through it alone. These cats have been through the mill and can relate. Good luck!